Why Chuck Norris is afraid of our Supreme Being
Revision as of 11:23, 22 August 2016 by Philip Lacey (talk | contribs)
Revision as of 11:23, 22 August 2016 by Philip Lacey (talk | contribs)
Contents
1 Facts
We adore our Technical Operations Manager Carolann Diskin. So much so, we've created a page just for her.
Running a complicated and high paced enterprise such as All n One requires a lot of skill, patience and a strong hand at the tiller.
1.1 Festive thought
Carolann once filled in for Santa Claus on Christmas. This was a horrible mistake, as Carolann can deliver only two things: Justice and Pain.
From MOS
1.2 Round 1
For this reason, we present the following facts:
- Carolann was in all 6 Star Wars movies, as the Force!!
- Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death hasn't been able to carry through because Carolann still has tickets for him to do.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch... Carolann decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris checks under his bed every night to see if Carolann is hiding there.
- Death has had a near-Carolann experience.
- Fear of spiders is arachnophobia. Fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia. Fear of Carolann when your tickets aren't done, is called Logic
- There used to be a street named after Carolann but it had to be changed. No one crosses Carolann and lives!
- Carolann can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves
- Carolann and Superman once had a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underpants on the outside of their pants!
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Carolann pajamas.
- Carolann doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
- Carolann can hear sign language
- If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Carolann says its beef, then it's beef.
- Carolann’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because she’s always in control.
- Carolann doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to her.
- All arrays Carolann declares are of infinite size, because Carolann knows no bounds.
- Carolann doesn’t read e-mails. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
- Carolann doesn’t actually write e-mails, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
1.3 Round 2
- Carolann has a grizzly bear carpet in her room... the bear is not dead, it's just to afraid to move
- Carolann counted to infinity twice
- Carolann once held up a bank ..... over the phone
- Carolann won the world series of poker using pokemon cards
- When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Carolann
- When Carolann slices onions, the onions cry
- Carolann doesn't read job requirements. she stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
- Carolann does not have Nightmares.............she creates them
- Carolann can capitalize numbers.
- Carolann can't lie, everything she says becomes becomes ultimately true.
1.4 Round 3
- When Carolann throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
- All arrays Carolann declares are of infinite size, because Carolann knows no bounds.
- Carolann doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- Carolann writes code that optimizes itself.
- Carolann can’t test for equality because she has no equal.
- Carolann doesn’t need garbage collection because she doesn’t call .Dispose(), she calls .DropKick().
- Carolann’s first program was kill -9.
- Carolann burst the dot com bubble.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (she just lets you use it).
- Carolann can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
- Carolann can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
- The only pattern Carolann knows is God Object.
- Carolann finished World of Warcraft.
- Project managers never ask Carolann for estimations…ever.
- Carolann doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to her.
- “It works on my machine” always holds true for Carolann.
- Whiteboards are white because Carolann scared them that way.
- Carolann doesn’t do Burn Down charts, she does Smack Down charts.
- Carolann can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Carolann can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- Carolann doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, she goes bug killing.
- Carolann’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Carolann.
- When Carolann is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.
1.5 Round 4
- Carolann has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
- Carolann is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Carolann can slam a revolving door.
- Carolann once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Carolann doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
- Carolann once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Carolann allows to live.
- Carolann can cut through a hot knife with butter
- Carolann can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
2 Resources
Thanks to the following websites for some pointers